Healing is a Journey and I’m On It Too

I sit here tonight in awe of my 7-year-old child’s resiliency. She begins first grade tomorrow. Amidst a pandemic, she has entered her first years of schooling and still she is as excited and gleeful about what lies ahead. My husband just lost his brother to covid, and in the past three days three more people connected to individuals I directly know have succumbed to the virus. My cousins’ husband is in ICU and every day is a battle. This is grim. My heart aches for my loved ones. And yet, here my 7-year-old child awaits a week of learning, growing, and socializing oblivious to the despair.

I reflect on the daily news of rising covid cases and mask mandates. All eerily similar to the early days of 2020 just when our lives began to change. I distinctly recall the first few weeks in March and April of 2020, waking daily in a panic like state at the onslaught of information and lockdowns we were facing. I was doing telehealth counseling 100 percent, enrolled full time in a doctoral program, and working remotely with a child placing agency all the while juggling four school aged children at home. I remember my body feeling on edge, tense. I was worried. The sensations and emotions mimicked my pre-healed (or so I thought) days when I was in the thralls of coping with PTSD. I was uncertain why, thinking to myself, “I left this all behind after powerful work with my own EMDR therapist. How could this be happening?”

I realize now my body remembered and that my healing was still in progress. I was so thankful for my continued relationship with my counselor. Being able to sort through the feelings, physical sensations, and memories with my own counselor was vital to my resiliency over the past year and a half. Simultaneously, somehow, I was facilitating the healing of my clients. I think, too, I am in awe of my own resilience alongside my youngest child’s and my clients who inspire me every day. I am reminded, healing is a journey and I’m on it too.